Sick...

     I'm back, but not full steam yet.  I came down with the flu last week & all my children got sick also.  One had bronchitis, another had an ear infection, & the last one had congestion that was fixing to turn to something worse.  Needless to say, we have all been on antibiotics & trying to recover.  My toddler & I still have that lingering cough & I can tell he doesn't feel too good yet.  On a good note though, I quit smoking....didn't want to, but had no choice.  I can't breathe & still have to use an inhaler.
     So to recap....we are all in the process of getting better except MY process is the slowest & I'm going through withdrawals!!!!  Lord help me! (...to not kill my kids...hehe).  Well, at least I'm saving some money!!!

Once a week

     Well I guess once a week is about all I will be able to accomplish on this blog.  I guess it is better than nothing....it'll have to be.  We are on spring break this week & I thank God because of all the crazy stuff going on.  The time change has got me all screwed up & sleeping too late.  Then my neighbor needed my help (watching her 4 granchildren) while she took care of some important issues today.  Which I totally don't mind helping her out, she is always doing the same for me.  I have to take my oldest son back to the leg doctor on Thursday.  He isn't improving like we had hoped, so I decided to take care of it myself.  I'm gonna let the dr. know that something has to be done because my son is just not old enough or mature enough to help himself.  (And quite frankly I'm tired of the battle I face everytime I ask him to do anything!!!!)  Then, on top of all this on my mind, I get a call from my dr. yesterday & I have go in on Friday for another diabetes test ---- I failed the last one.  I am totally bummed about it!  I am trying hard not to have a bad attitude or feel sorry for myself but it is really hard.
     On a good note, my husband is trying to make me feel better.  He called today to check on me & of course, I am bummed out.  He told me that this is not my fault & that I didn't bring it upon myself.  That it was nothing I did or could've done, it is just that I'm over 30...... that sort of made me feel better....I'm so glad he noticed that I'm getting older....hehe!!!!  I swear the next time I look into the mirror, all I'm gonna see is this fat, old lady, & bonus! - I'm a PREGNANT, fat, old lady!!! AHAHAHAHA!!!!!
     I wish I could just go fishing with my best-friend.....sitting, relaxing, talking (& hopefully no kids).  I always feel better when I get to go fishing with her......hopefully soon.....

Today is a new day!

"...for God selected (deliberately chose) what in the world is foolish to put the wise to shame, and what the world calls weak to put the strong to shame." 1 Corinthians 1:27

I am going to rejoice in my downfalls, slips, mistakes, & all my foolishness.  Without all of these so called horrible things then I wouldn't have any room for God in my life.  I want to rely on God more than I ever have before.  I want to wake up each morning and ask Him what He wants me to do today.  I am tired of trying to do it myself!!!  What gives me the right to even think that I can do it myself?  Wow, where did I go so wrong & become so prideful that I thought I could?  I am foolish, I am weak, but I AM God's child.  Help me, Lord!

Life as we know it....

     It has definitely been a while since I posted....I guess priorities change often when you have little kids.  My toddler is doing very good with potty training.  He is actually controlling it most of the time.  Now we just have to get him over the fear of the "big potties" out in public places.  It will happen eventually I guess.  My oldest two boys are still under strict grounding.  They hate it but are not willing to change & make the improvements they need to when it comes to school work.  It is wearing me out, literally!!!  I have to check over every tiny little thing they do & I found out last week about some lying that has been going on for a month!!!  Talk about being dissapointed.....I mean, we all know that kids are going to try & lie when they are afraid of consequences, but lying just for the heck of it is way overboard!  Oh well, I'm not going to dwell on that too much, they are just going to stay grounded until improvements are very apparent.  God never said being a parent was fun & I tell my boys all the time..."God made me your mother, not your friend."
     As for me you might ask.... well I'm tired but okay.  My best friends have been sick so much lately that I've felt kind of lonely & helpless.  I wish I could help them but I couldn't put myself at risk of getting sick also.  I'm always more weary of sickness when I'm pregnant.  The last time I caught a simple cold while pregnant, it took me 2-3 weeks to finally heal.  I wanted to go over to their houses & take care of them, but couldn't.  I hate it when I think someone needs me & there is nothing I can do.  Then, my husband & 2 of my kids got sick....I took care of them....now I feel under the weather.  Please God, do not let me get sick!!!  I think I am going to go to bed & rest for awhile.  Well, at least while my toddler is taking his nap, hehe!  Life is so fun sometimes...
    On a side note, is being a wife & mother enough?  I made the comment to my husband that I think being a mother is a very high calling from God, but I also want to know that there is something more to me as a person.  He told me that if I truely believed that it was a high calling then I would not need to look for anything else.  Basically, if I believed that then I should be happy with just that.  I don't think so,  I do believe it, just don't want to settle for too little.  Can't I be more without feeling guilty for wanting more?

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...

     Wow, what a weekend.  It has been so cold that I wish I could tie blankets around me & still be able to walk around.  I was hoping to spend a lot of time lying around reading because I never get to do that, but other things kept coming up.  I did start a new book that I am really enjoying so far, "Why I Stayed" by Gayle Haggard.  My best friend told me about it & it is a good story.  This woman has a lot more courage than I think I would have had in her situation.  I can't imagine having my world turned upside down like that & still try to follow God's principles.  I know that I would strive to, but I would have a harder time with my emotions -especially anger!  Anyways - it is a good read & I recommend it to every woman of God.
     Well we started potty training my 2-year old.  That is mainly why I couldn't lay around all weekend.  He only has ten pair of underwear & I had to keep the laundry rotating for "fresh briches"....hehe.  On top of that, my husband had to go to Walmart to buy a quick wet mop so we could mop up after every accident.  Hard wood floors are easier to clean up spills than on carpet, but I was not willing to get the mop bucket out every 15 minutes.  I also have to make sure to get the smell out so our precious dogs would not try to out do our 2-year old, if you know what I mean.  One of the dogs is 100 pounds & can probably fill a bath tub!!!
     We found out last week about the sex of our new baby.  It is definiely a boy.....he was so proud of his stuff already that the nurse was able to get 3 or 4 pictures of his "junk".  So I guess I will remain the only girl/woman in my house.  My husband knew how disappointed I was & later that night let me know that he is willing to try again later if I want.  I thought - "Are you crazy!"  What if I end up with 5 boys!  No Way Jose!  4 is enough to last me a lifetime & I believe it will....  Well, yes, I was very upset & had to allow my emotions some time to spill (& spill they did).  I cried like a heart-broken toddler for many hours....but now I'm better.  The way I look at it now is that our world needs good men for the next generations to come & apparently, God trusts me to raise such men.  It is a high calling that some can't handle, but I will do my best to try.
    Well I must run now....to the bathroom every 15 min, if not for my training toddler but for my pregnant self....try to post again soon...

It is a hectic life!

     Well it has been way too long since I posted last.  Things have been so hectic & my pregnant body is giving me fits.  I told my husband last night that I think the baby hates me sometimes....I hurt so bad!  Oh well, it will be worth it in the end when I see that precious face & toes & fingers...so cute!  I have my appointment for the sonogram on Wednesday. (Please God let it be a girl! Please, please, please!)
I've been reading this book about raising boys, hoping it would give me some encouragement or insight or something to hang onto, & so far nothing.  I have learned that when boys are still in the womb a rage of hormones actually damages a part of the brain that takes them years to learn to overcome it.  Which part...you might ask?  Well, get this...it is sooooo obviously true....it is the part that allows you to think before you act!  Boys literally have to learn how to think before making decisions & girls already have the know how.  Wow, that explains so much!!!
     Anyways, I'm about to throw the book down because it really wasn't what I was looking for.  I was trying to encourage myself to keep pushing through.  If you don't know already, I also homeschool my two oldest boys & here lately, they have not been doing well.  I spend hours on the weekend grading papers & doing lesson plans for the next week & I end up mad everytime.  Their grades are dropping fast, they don't seem to care, & they won't try harder.  So now it is to the point where "Dad" has told them everything they have is gone until they improve.  (Great, now I get to deal with their bad attitudes over not being able to do anything.)  They are actually quite disturbed with me right today.  I decided that their work is going to improve come "hell or high water"; so, I am grading as we go & making them redo things over & over until it is quality work.  I am not letting get away with their normal & they are mad!!!  The only down side is that I have been trying so hard this past year to NOT have to stand over them so intensly.  I want them to learn to work on their own, & now I'm standing over them again.  It feels like I'm moving backwards!!!  But I guess it is worth it to make sure my young men have strong work ethics.  Pray for me if you are reading this!!!!

Productivity....

I actually started a new post earlier today & had to just delete it because I couldn't finish.  After just the first couple sentences I had to put out a fire between my boys & it took too long!  So I lost my train of thought...oh well, here I go again.  Some days are so productive & then we have days where no matter how busy we are things don't seem to get accomplished.  On the other hand, what we think is productive may not be what God considers productive.  Yes, I can do the dishes, laundry, sweep the floors, take out the trash, cook supper...etc.....but did I spend quality time with my children?  Did I listen intently to my husband when he was telling me about his day?  Did I influence the power of decision making in my children?  Did I help anyone feel loved & appreciated today?  And the biggest question of all....did I seek God's face today?  It has taken me a long time to relax & learn that no matter how fast I get the house cleaned....it will get dirty again & again & again.  I used to not be able to relax at all until my house (my world) was perfect in my eyes.  And even then, it would only last so long before I was up in a fury trying to make it perfect again.  Yeah...I still have some more to learn, but I can say that I am now thankful for those little messes left behind by my loved ones because my house is full of love.  My dirty floor shows LIFE in my home, the ups, the downs, the sick, the healthy, it is all life!  MY life, MY kids, MY husband, MY church family that I adore --- that is what I see in my home now.  I'm going to strive to give all of MY stuff to MY God as my first act of productivity.   I think that is what God considers a productive day....when we give everything to Him & let Him use us no matter whether it fits in our schedules or not.  What did you do today with YOUR stuff?  I'm definitely not perfect, but through all the chaotic moments of the day, I think I did a few things right.  I shared God's love, quess the laudry will have to wait till tomorrow, darn!

P.S. - Thanks to my friends who also shared God's love with me today!  It always feels great to have someone you care so much for tell or show you how much you mean to them.  You know who you are girls!  Thanks so much!